I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
