Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
