hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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