You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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