the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
