So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
