How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
