My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
