idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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