All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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