there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
