Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
