There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
