So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
