did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
