so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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