I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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