she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
