He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
