Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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