He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
