if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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