I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
