I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i now understand why vodka
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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