hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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