btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
