a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
