i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Randomize
