I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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