Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
