everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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