your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
