i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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