Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
