I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
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He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
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She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.