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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.

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• (418): View more from Quebec

  You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.

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  These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.

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  These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat

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• (607): View more from New York

  Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity

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• (925): View more from California

  You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it

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• (206): View more from Washington

  You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.

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