i would one night stand the shit outta him
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.