the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There's always time for handjobs
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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