Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
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whose parrot is this?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever