I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again