i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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