So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
