you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
