thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
