Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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