I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
