I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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