ya dads aren't the best wingmen
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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