oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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