WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This toilet bowl is my home.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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