Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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