After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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