i'm signing you up for texting rehab
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
