Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
you had me at cake vodka
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
MIDGETS
????
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
