Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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