Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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