So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
