A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
