sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
