Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
