Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
