dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I party with great urgency now.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
