if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
