Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
