she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
