so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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