My balls are so social today.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
