Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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