4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I need moral support for this bender
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
