If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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