So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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