you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
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There was a lot of him and a little penis
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
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I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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