She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
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He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
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Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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