Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
