I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
