we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
